Seesawing Awakening

upward_spiral_by_hmdll-d67r9peSeesawing, or non-abiding awakening, is a stepping stone towards abiding enlightenment. Anyone who relates to the “I got it/I lost it” scenario should be encouraged not demotivated. It’s a process until it isn’t anymore. Back and forth, to and fro, a cyclical path that spirals ever upwards.

Being okay with the lost it phase is just as important, more so in a way, than appreciating the got it phase. Learning to witness what the ego reaches for and grasps too tightly and letting go of even the need or desire to stay in the perceived hallowed ground is where the magic happens. Realising that even though it feels like we are falling in and out of grace, this feeling is only true because we believe in it. It’s a superficial truth at best, that seems to grow in potency the more we feed it with our energy. Noticing is enough. It’s a wave on the surface. Deep, deep down below these fluctuations, the truth of who we are is unalterable, unchanging, unassailable.

Cosmic memory reminds us that as co-creators, we choose our experience in every moment. Choosing the emotion, the energy around every happening in our reality, is where our real power resides. It feels like a paradox to simultaneously go with the flow in a state of allowing and step proactively into the creative process to create from choice, but it’s not. It’s not a role we play, it’s beyond roles.



How can we all help to change the world for the better? It’s easy to feel a sense of overwhelm when confronted by tragedy, such as the attack in Manchester last week. But we are far from powerless. The biggest change we can affect, is how we live our lives. By cultivating peace within, by extending the hand of friendship to each other, by living a non-violent life in every respect (in thought, word and deed), all these steps are incredibly powerful catalysts for change on the global stage. As within so without. To consciously choose love, empathy, forgiveness, compassion for self and all others is the way we as individuals can dynamically transform our world.

We can cultivate self belief and self love. We can visualise the world we want to co-create together. The biggest hinderance is that we think, feel and act so small, when in reality we are powerful beyond our wildest dreams. We have got so indoctrinated by the state into passivity, into feeling that others know what is best for us – experts, politicians, officials of every type, when we are all equipped with an inner barometer that knows what is right, just, kind and fair. We need to learn how to trust our intuitive nature, our moral compass, and listen to what it has to teach us. And we really need to stop fighting each other, we have been weakened and disabled by divide and rule tactics for centuries.

We need to get off our knees and take control of our lives. All this is possible, and more. But first, we must believe it is so by telling ourselves over and over that we are sovereign beings capable of wondrous transformation. And finally, we need to uncover that which has been hidden from us through lies, deceit,stealth and manipulation. We need to get proactive and demand access to the hidden knowledge that keeps us in the dark and misinformed. We are compliant in our own slavery and subjugation and that has to change. Until it does, nothing very much will change.


Whether you accept yourself as you are or not, there you are, you being unequivocally you. Non-acceptance of self is a threefold act of war. It’s a personal vendetta against mind, body and spirit. Like every war, no one wins.

No aspect of self can win in such a personal war. By refusing to accept yourself in your totality, you weaken and damage yourself. Acceptance of self is key to healing and mastery. Just because you accept yourself, doesn’t mean that you let yourself off the hook.

When we move deeply into acceptance, we are much better placed to change aspects of ourselves that cause us suffering. It’s always easier to help a friend, it’s ┬ánigh on impossible to help a foe. Looking at yourself through the lens of acceptance reveals a truer picture than squinting through the muddy lens of non-acceptance. Aspects of self that we are afraid to look at and examine honestly, because we fear them, multiply and gain strength, whereas aspects of self that are viewed from the still point of spacious acceptance, lose much of their power through the transformative power of loving ownership.


I haven’t posted my thoughts and feelings on the atrocities committed against the Water Protectors at Standing Rock for some time. It’s because I can’t process what’s been happening there. It’s unfathomable to me, especially when you consider the history of how shamefully the USA has treated its indigenous people.

Standing Rock represented a huge opportunity for the government to make things better, and to demonstrate they had learned from their past mistakes. Standing Rock could have been hugely symbolic in such a positive way. The government could have used this opportunity to prove to the world that they had evolved into a kinder and more inclusive society, instead they reaffirmed their ugly and brutal past, except this time the world was watching.

All around the globe we watched. We witnessed the police brutality, the humiliation, the vile way in which one human being can treat another. We saw treaties violated for profit. We saw the heavily militarised police break up peaceful prayer circles and we saw the desecration of sacred burial grounds.

Many of us sent money to support the Water Protectors. We checked in electronically to Standing Rock Reservation to confuse the police and make it harder for them to target Water Protectors. But it wasn’t enough.

The USA has become too powerful for its own good and the good of the wider world. Their arrogance is truly frightening. They didn’t care that they were committing crimes against humanity and breaking treaties because, like the schoolyard bully, they know that they are bigger and stronger than every other nation on this planet.

Some American citizens may feel this is a good thing, it could possibly make them feel safer in a world beset by wars, famine and acts of terrorism. But, consider this, and consider it carefully. The world wanted to help the Water Protectors but couldn’t because the USA is too powerful to take on. Some day, this could be you. Your government is taking your beautiful country into a police state, and they’re doing it right under your noses. And if they decide to move you all to camps, evict you from your homes, take away your land and farms, curtail your rights and impose their will on you, there is nothing we can do to protect you. Your government, your police force, your military – just as you feel they are protecting you now, they could just as easily turn against you, just like they’ve done to the Water Protectors.

On the day the Water Protectors lost their fight, we all lost. We lost in the UK, we lost in Africa and we lost in Russia. Our governments failed us because they’re too afraid to stand up to the USA, too scared of losing trade deals, too scared to do and state what is right. Our governments failed the common man and woman, both in the USA and around the world. The message was clear – profits over people. In a balanced and fair world governments are servants of the people. Now, we see clearly. Our governments are our masters and we are slaves and the only freedom we seem to be able to exercise is to choose to believe that we are free, even though this is far from our experienced reality.

If you think I exaggerate, ponder on the draconian measures already in place in the USA. From making it illegal to collect rainwater on your own property to criminalising feeding the homeless and making it an offence to grow vegetables in your own gardens. As a citizen of the UK, I’m not gloating. Quite the reverse, I’m incredibly worried, because what happens first in the USA invariably ends up crossing the pond sooner or later.


Labels don’t define us, they limit us. It doesn’t matter what label we align ourselves with. For example, we may decide to identify with the label of environmentalist. One the face of it, this seems to be a good label, a positive and proactive label. But is it really?

To declare we are this or that simultaneously sets us in opposition to all those who do not identify with this label. We establish a polarity and as a result, a tension ensues. We give others something tangible to oppose and fight against. Of course, being a guardian for the planet and a passionate activist is a noble thing. But, would it be more effective to engage with life on a moment by moment basis?

If we could cultivate an open, watchful and observant stance, perhaps we would benefit. Labels tend to funnel our thoughts, feelings and values down a narrow path. Whereas standing fetter free, we open ourselves to respond from a position of freedom and without preconceived responses.

Why do we need labels? Do we feel incomplete, vulnerable and unfinished in some way without the overlay of labels? How about feeling into what we are in essence without tags to inform others of who we are? Could we handle the humility of starting from scratch with every interaction? Could we/should we allow ourselves to be defined and then loved or rejected based solely on what we bring to the present moment?

I’ve been trying to imagine who I am without labels of any kind. It’s a disorientating exercise, but I think that’s because it’s not something we ordinarily do. When everything is stripped away, who am I? I am that I am. To be there with that. To be there with that and resist the urge to add anything…



In the middle of a busy day, stillness found me. I felt it nudging me. From within, I felt it’s gentle prod. It prompted me to slowly wind down and stop. Stop doing. Stop talking. And most of all, stop endlessly thinking of the next thing and the next and the next.

Stillness found me. It carved out a place of softness and receptivity within the vastness that I am. In the darkness, in the deep silent warmth of my skin and bone vessel, it stretched out and extended itself. Who knew that I contained such a wealth of space?

And while I was still marvelling at the vast ocean of stillness, the infinite dimension of space, that I carry, while this was still unfolding, a beautiful thing happened. The very air that touched up against my skin softened, hushed and exhaled. For it had found synergy, it had met itself through me.

And not just the air, the absolute everything of materiality had felt the shift within me. And it had responded. Me a humble fragment of Life’s expression, in simply BEING that expression rather than trying to DO it, had caused a miracle to occur. Peace had found a way, through me, to manifest and settle for any and all passing by to take nourishment from, to rest, to heal. That is what can happen for anyone at anytime in any place. If we allow it by nurturing what we already are, we can be present for this to unfold for us and all life too.

Namaste 💖🙏💖



What lies beneath a smile? It should be joy, peace, love and happiness. That’s exactly how it should be, but often it’s not the case. People use smiles to hide. It’s a way of saying that you’re okay, there’s no need to dig deeper. I’d love to know exactly what percentage of smiles are real and how many are fake. Do we choose to accept the face value of a smile? Or do we use our intuitive heart to discern what’s really going on?

Smiles can dam years of tears. Smiles can act like a STOP barrier, both from letting our true feelings out and keeping friends from helping us to heal.

During some of the darkest periods of my life, and I’ve really been down there, I’ve faced the world with a smile pinned to my face. It wasn’t a genuine smile, it was the glue that held my face together in a mask that the world wanted to see. The world can be a cold and busy place, and most people don’t have the time or inclination to really know us. So when people ask how you are, they don’t want an honest answer. What they really want is validation that everything is a-ok.

And if you run out of steam and allow your face to slump, you often get the order – smile, it won’t kill you comment – or a variation thereof. I don’t know about you, but nothing bugs me more than people demanding smiles to order.

Smiling when you are in deep emotional pain is insane. I won’t do it anymore. If you don’t want to see my pain, you know where the door is. There is nothing to fear from sadness and pain – not yours or anyone else’s. Yet people behave as if it’s contagious.

When you are deeply and authentically rooted in genuine happiness, as averse to playing out some psychotic Disneyland cheap copy of happiness, you can do immense good with your happiness. Your happiness can give people real hope, especially if you’ve been to hell and back in order to get there. It shows others that “this too shall pass” in a very real way.


cheering woman open arms to sunrise at sea

Is it just me or do other people experience one dominant emotion for a period of time? You still have other emotions, but you live one particular emotion very strongly. You go deeply into that emotion and notice how it affects you and different areas of your inner and outer life.

My strongest emotion is currently gratitude. Not a superficial type of cliched gratitude, a dynamic take-your-breath-away kind of gratitude. It’s a gratitude that enriches everything it touches and transforms the seemingly banal into the deeply sacred. It brings me to my knees and tears open my heart with its power.

It’s sacred alchemy – gratitude. Because nothing much has changed externally and yet the deep inner reality couldn’t be more different. Happiness, peace and joy are kind of like points of view that the heart holds. These qualities that we all seek are found when we hopscotch over our egos and sit without need and minus control in the spaciousness of our hearts.

Gratitude is infectious. When we embrace gratitude and allow it to show us just one little thing that is good in our lives, it waterfalls gently and with infinite kindness into multiple areas of our lives. And then the isolating bubble of judgement, greed and ‘having less than’ pops. We wake up and the funny thing is, it’s only in this moment that we realise that we’ve been asleep. The life we thought we were living was merely a sleepwalking stumble.


Never give up. Speak your truth. Even if it seems the tide is against you and nobody is listening, keep going. Share what you know with others. If they laugh, let them laugh. If they criticise you or get angry, keep going. Don’t let your words die inside you.

In a world where many speak the same words, be the one that speaks with creative originality. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you. Be bold. To self edit is madness. Too many people are frightened and want love so badly they sacrifice who they really are to gain approval and acceptance.

Life is too magnificent and precious to waste it on compromise. What a way to live! Running everything through internally time after time, wondering if what bubbles up inside you is going to make people love you more or less.

Keep your inner space clear of unwritten and unspoken words, of unfulfilled dreams and ideas. Keep you inner space as a sacred chamber, a channel waiting to be filled with light, love, peace and truth. But don’t even hang onto these sacred qualities. Keep them moving on through, out into the world. Don’t cling onto anything. More treasures are queuing up to take their place. You can only receive what you are willing to give.


You are not locked in a prison so there is no need to search for an escape route, a way out. Freedom is already here. It is within us. It is not hidden. It is only password protected. And the password for each of us is the same. All we need to is utter the silent word ‘yes’.

It is not a yes with an opposite of no. This ‘yes’ is the original sacred ‘YES’. It simply means, I see, I know, I feel, I remember, I Am. It is a Yes formed in the heart, not from three letters, but from one truth, the original, one, pure truth that we are. It does not pass through the lips, it emerges from the heart which means it can never be faked or cribbed from another.

Every sacred Yes is the same but there are billions of ways of saying it. We don’t create it ourselves. All we need do is recognise that it’s been there all along. That recognition is freedom.


Namaste 💖🙏💖